Even a well-intentioned husband who might ask his wife while making love, “Is it good for you, too, Honey?” knows not to ask a colleague, “Is the conversation good for you, too?” Yet he wonders . . . we all do. With the following technique, set your mind at rest. You can definitely make the conversation hot for anyone with whom you speak. Like my prom date, Donnie, you will miraculously find subjects to engross your listeners.
Be a Sleuth on Their Slips of the Tongue
No matter how elusive the clue, Sherlock Holmes is confident he’ll soon be staring right at it through his magnifying glass. Like the unerring detective, big winners know, no matter how elusive the clue, they’ll find the right topic. How? They become word detectives.
I have a young friend, Nancy, who works in a nursing home. Nancy cares deeply about the elderly but often grumbles about how crotchety and laconic some of her patients are. She laments she has difficulty relating to them. Nancy told me about one especially cantankerous old woman named Mrs. Otis, whom she could never get to open up to her.
“One day,” Nancy confided, “right after all those rainstorms we had last week, just to make conversation, I remarked to Mrs. Otis, ‘Terrible storms we had last week, don’t you think?’ Well,” Nancy continued, “Mrs. Otis practically jumped down my throat. She said in a snippy voice, ‘It’s been good for the plants.’ ” I asked Nancy how she responded to that.
“What could I say?” Nancy answered. “The woman was obviously cutting me off.”
“Did you ever think to ask Mrs. Otis if she liked plants?”
“Plants?” Nancy asked.
“Well, yes,” I suggested. “Mrs. Otis brought the subject up.” I asked Nancy to do me a favor. “Ask her,” I begged. Nancy resisted, but I persisted. Just to quiet me down, Nancy promised to ask “cantankerous old Mrs. Otis” if she liked plants.
The next day, a flabbergasted Nancy called me from work. “Leil, how did you know? Not only did Mrs. Otis love plants, but she told me she’d been married to a gardener. Today I had a different problem with Mrs. Otis. I couldn’t shut her up! She went on and on about her garden, her husband. . . .”
Top communicators know ideas don’t come out of nowhere. If Mrs. Otis thought to bring up plants, then she must have some relationship with them. Furthermore, by mentioning the word, it meant subconsciously she wanted to talk about plants.
Suppose, for example, instead of responding to Nancy’s comment about the rain with “It’s good for the plants,” Mrs. Otis had said, “Because of the rain, my dog couldn’t go out.” Nancy could then ask about her dog. Or suppose she grumbled, “It’s bad for my arthritis.” Can you guess what old Mrs. Otis wants to talk about now?
When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues. Be on the lookout for any unusual references: any anomaly, deviation, digression, or invocation of another place, time, person. Ask about it because it’s the clue to what your conversation partner would really enjoy discussing.
If two people have something in common, when the shared interest comes up, they jump on it naturally. For example, if someone mentions playing squash (bird-watching or stamp collecting) and the listener shares that passion, he or she pipes up, “Oh, you’re a squasher (or birder or philatelist), too!”
Here’s the trick: there’s no need to be a squasher, birder, or philatelist to pipe up with enthusiasm. You can simply “Be a Word Detective.” When you pick up on the reference as though it excites you, too, it parlays you into conversation the stranger thrills to. (The subject may put your feet to sleep, but that’s another story.)
Technique #18
Be a Word Detective
Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partner’s every word for clues to his or her preferred topic. The evidence is bound to slip out. Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue. Like Sherlock Holmes, you have the clue to the subject that’s hot for the other person.
Now that you’ve ignited stimulating conversation, let’s explore a technique to keep it hot.
Be a Sleuth on Their Slips of the Tongue
No matter how elusive the clue, Sherlock Holmes is confident he’ll soon be staring right at it through his magnifying glass. Like the unerring detective, big winners know, no matter how elusive the clue, they’ll find the right topic. How? They become word detectives.
I have a young friend, Nancy, who works in a nursing home. Nancy cares deeply about the elderly but often grumbles about how crotchety and laconic some of her patients are. She laments she has difficulty relating to them. Nancy told me about one especially cantankerous old woman named Mrs. Otis, whom she could never get to open up to her.
“One day,” Nancy confided, “right after all those rainstorms we had last week, just to make conversation, I remarked to Mrs. Otis, ‘Terrible storms we had last week, don’t you think?’ Well,” Nancy continued, “Mrs. Otis practically jumped down my throat. She said in a snippy voice, ‘It’s been good for the plants.’ ” I asked Nancy how she responded to that.
“What could I say?” Nancy answered. “The woman was obviously cutting me off.”
“Did you ever think to ask Mrs. Otis if she liked plants?”
“Plants?” Nancy asked.
“Well, yes,” I suggested. “Mrs. Otis brought the subject up.” I asked Nancy to do me a favor. “Ask her,” I begged. Nancy resisted, but I persisted. Just to quiet me down, Nancy promised to ask “cantankerous old Mrs. Otis” if she liked plants.
The next day, a flabbergasted Nancy called me from work. “Leil, how did you know? Not only did Mrs. Otis love plants, but she told me she’d been married to a gardener. Today I had a different problem with Mrs. Otis. I couldn’t shut her up! She went on and on about her garden, her husband. . . .”
Top communicators know ideas don’t come out of nowhere. If Mrs. Otis thought to bring up plants, then she must have some relationship with them. Furthermore, by mentioning the word, it meant subconsciously she wanted to talk about plants.
Suppose, for example, instead of responding to Nancy’s comment about the rain with “It’s good for the plants,” Mrs. Otis had said, “Because of the rain, my dog couldn’t go out.” Nancy could then ask about her dog. Or suppose she grumbled, “It’s bad for my arthritis.” Can you guess what old Mrs. Otis wants to talk about now?
When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues. Be on the lookout for any unusual references: any anomaly, deviation, digression, or invocation of another place, time, person. Ask about it because it’s the clue to what your conversation partner would really enjoy discussing.
If two people have something in common, when the shared interest comes up, they jump on it naturally. For example, if someone mentions playing squash (bird-watching or stamp collecting) and the listener shares that passion, he or she pipes up, “Oh, you’re a squasher (or birder or philatelist), too!”
Here’s the trick: there’s no need to be a squasher, birder, or philatelist to pipe up with enthusiasm. You can simply “Be a Word Detective.” When you pick up on the reference as though it excites you, too, it parlays you into conversation the stranger thrills to. (The subject may put your feet to sleep, but that’s another story.)
Technique #18
Be a Word Detective
Like a good gumshoe, listen to your conversation partner’s every word for clues to his or her preferred topic. The evidence is bound to slip out. Then spring on that subject like a sleuth on to a slip of the tongue. Like Sherlock Holmes, you have the clue to the subject that’s hot for the other person.
Now that you’ve ignited stimulating conversation, let’s explore a technique to keep it hot.
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