Tigers prowl with tigers; lions lurk with lions; and little alley cats scramble around with other little alley cats. Similarity breeds attraction. But in the human jungle, big cats know a secret. When you delay revealing your similarity, or let them discover it, it has much more punch. Above all, you don’t want to sound anxious to have rapport.
Whenever someone mentions a common interest or experience, instead of jumping in with a breathless, “Hey, me, too! I do that, too” or “I know all about that,” let your conversation partner enjoy talking about it. Let her go on about the country club before you tell her you’re a member, too. Let him go on analyzing the golf swing of Arnold Palmer before you start casually comparing the swings of golf greats Greg, Jack, Tiger, and Arnie. Let her tell you how many tennis games she’s won before you just happen to mention your USTA ranking.
Several years ago, I was telling a new acquaintance how much I love to ski. He listened with interest as I indulged in a detailed travelogue of places I’d skied. I raved about the various resorts. I analyzed the various conditions. I discussed artificial versus natural snow. It wasn’t until near the end of my monologue that I finally had the sense to ask my new acquaintance if he skied. He replied, “Yes, I keep a little apartment in Aspen.”
Cool! If he’d jumped in and told me about his ski pad right after I first told him how much I liked skiing, I’d have been impressed. Mildly. However, waiting until the end of our conversation—and then revealing he was such an avid skier that he kept an Aspen ski pad—made it unforgettable.
Here’s the technique I call “Kill the Quick ‘Me, Too!’ ” Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion. Then, when the time is right, casually mention you share their interest.
Whenever someone mentions a common interest or experience, instead of jumping in with a breathless, “Hey, me, too! I do that, too” or “I know all about that,” let your conversation partner enjoy talking about it. Let her go on about the country club before you tell her you’re a member, too. Let him go on analyzing the golf swing of Arnold Palmer before you start casually comparing the swings of golf greats Greg, Jack, Tiger, and Arnie. Let her tell you how many tennis games she’s won before you just happen to mention your USTA ranking.
Several years ago, I was telling a new acquaintance how much I love to ski. He listened with interest as I indulged in a detailed travelogue of places I’d skied. I raved about the various resorts. I analyzed the various conditions. I discussed artificial versus natural snow. It wasn’t until near the end of my monologue that I finally had the sense to ask my new acquaintance if he skied. He replied, “Yes, I keep a little apartment in Aspen.”
Cool! If he’d jumped in and told me about his ski pad right after I first told him how much I liked skiing, I’d have been impressed. Mildly. However, waiting until the end of our conversation—and then revealing he was such an avid skier that he kept an Aspen ski pad—made it unforgettable.
Here’s the technique I call “Kill the Quick ‘Me, Too!’ ” Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion. Then, when the time is right, casually mention you share their interest.
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