I waited weeks for the opportunity to try it out. Finally the moment presented itself at a convention. A new contact began telling me about her recent trip to Washington, D.C. (She had no idea that Washington was where I grew up.) She told me all about the Capitol, the Washington Monument, the Kennedy Center, and how she and her husband went bicycling in Rock Creek Park. (Momentarily I forgot I was keeping my mouth shut to practice my new technique. I was genuinely enjoying hearing about these familiar sights from a visitor’s perspective.)
I asked her where she stayed, where she dined, and if she had a chance to get into any of the beautiful Maryland or Virginia suburbs. At one point, obviously pleased by my interest in her trip, she said, “You sound like you know a lot about Washington.”
“Yes,” I replied. “It’s my hometown, but I haven’t been back there in ages.”
“Your hometown!” she squealed. “My goodness, why didn’t you tell me? I must have been boring you.”
“Oh, not at all,” I replied honestly. “I was enjoying hearing about your trip so much, I was afraid you’d stop if I told you.” Her big smile and barely audible “Oh gosh” let me know I had won a new friend.
When someone starts telling you about an activity he has done, a trip she has made, a club he belongs to, an interest she has—anything that you share—bite your tongue. Let the teller relish his or her own monologue. Relax and enjoy it, too, secretly knowing how much pleasure your conversation partner will have when you reveal you share the same experience. Then, when the moment is ripe, casually disclose your similarity. And be sure to mention how much you enjoyed hearing about his or her shared interest.
Technique #27
Kill the Quick “Me, Too!”
Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved (and impressed) he or she will be. You emerge as a confident big cat, not a lonely little stray, hungry for quick connection with a stranger.
P.S.: Don’t wait too long to reveal your shared interest or it will seem like you’re being tricky.
I asked her where she stayed, where she dined, and if she had a chance to get into any of the beautiful Maryland or Virginia suburbs. At one point, obviously pleased by my interest in her trip, she said, “You sound like you know a lot about Washington.”
“Yes,” I replied. “It’s my hometown, but I haven’t been back there in ages.”
“Your hometown!” she squealed. “My goodness, why didn’t you tell me? I must have been boring you.”
“Oh, not at all,” I replied honestly. “I was enjoying hearing about your trip so much, I was afraid you’d stop if I told you.” Her big smile and barely audible “Oh gosh” let me know I had won a new friend.
When someone starts telling you about an activity he has done, a trip she has made, a club he belongs to, an interest she has—anything that you share—bite your tongue. Let the teller relish his or her own monologue. Relax and enjoy it, too, secretly knowing how much pleasure your conversation partner will have when you reveal you share the same experience. Then, when the moment is ripe, casually disclose your similarity. And be sure to mention how much you enjoyed hearing about his or her shared interest.
Technique #27
Kill the Quick “Me, Too!”
Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved (and impressed) he or she will be. You emerge as a confident big cat, not a lonely little stray, hungry for quick connection with a stranger.
P.S.: Don’t wait too long to reveal your shared interest or it will seem like you’re being tricky.
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