“SEX! Now that I have your attention. . . . ” Two-bit comics have been using that gag from the days when two bits bought a foursquare meal. However, big winners know there’s a three-letter word more potent then SEX to get people’s attention. That word is YOU.
Why is you such a powerful word? Because when we were infants, we thought we were the center of the universe. Nothing mattered but ME, MYSELF, and I. The rest of the shadowy forms stirring about us (which we later learned were other people) existed solely for what they could do for us. Self-centered little tykes that we were, our tiny brains translated every action, every word, into, “How does that affect ME?”
Big winners know we haven’t changed a bit. Adults camouflage their self-centeredness under a mask of civilization and politeness. Yet the human brain still immediately, instinctively, and unfailingly translates everything into terms of “How does that affect ME?”
For example, suppose, gentlemen, you want to ask a colleague, Jill, if she would like to join you for dinner. So you say to her, “There’s a really good new Indian restaurant in town. Will you join me there for dinner tonight?”
Before answering, Jill is thinking to herself, “By ‘good’ does he mean the food or the atmosphere or both?” Her reverie continues, “Indian cuisine, I’m not sure. He says it’s good. However, will I like it?” While thinking, Jill hesitates. You probably take her hesitation personally, and the joy of the exchange diminishes.
Suppose, instead, you had said to her, “Jill, you will really love this new Indian restaurant. Will you join me there this evening for dinner?” Phrasing it that way, you’ve already subliminally answered Jill’s questions and she’s more apt to give you a quick “yes.”
The pleasure-pain principle is a guiding force in life. Psychologists tell us everyone automatically gravitates toward that which is pleasurable and pulls away from that which is painful. For many people, thinking is painful.
So big winners (when they wish to control, inspire, be loved by, sell to people, or get them to go to dinner) do the thinking for them. They translate everything into the other person’s terms by starting as many sentences as they can with that powerful little three-letter word, you. Thus, I call the technique “Comm-YOU-nication.”
Why is you such a powerful word? Because when we were infants, we thought we were the center of the universe. Nothing mattered but ME, MYSELF, and I. The rest of the shadowy forms stirring about us (which we later learned were other people) existed solely for what they could do for us. Self-centered little tykes that we were, our tiny brains translated every action, every word, into, “How does that affect ME?”
Big winners know we haven’t changed a bit. Adults camouflage their self-centeredness under a mask of civilization and politeness. Yet the human brain still immediately, instinctively, and unfailingly translates everything into terms of “How does that affect ME?”
For example, suppose, gentlemen, you want to ask a colleague, Jill, if she would like to join you for dinner. So you say to her, “There’s a really good new Indian restaurant in town. Will you join me there for dinner tonight?”
Before answering, Jill is thinking to herself, “By ‘good’ does he mean the food or the atmosphere or both?” Her reverie continues, “Indian cuisine, I’m not sure. He says it’s good. However, will I like it?” While thinking, Jill hesitates. You probably take her hesitation personally, and the joy of the exchange diminishes.
Suppose, instead, you had said to her, “Jill, you will really love this new Indian restaurant. Will you join me there this evening for dinner?” Phrasing it that way, you’ve already subliminally answered Jill’s questions and she’s more apt to give you a quick “yes.”
The pleasure-pain principle is a guiding force in life. Psychologists tell us everyone automatically gravitates toward that which is pleasurable and pulls away from that which is painful. For many people, thinking is painful.
So big winners (when they wish to control, inspire, be loved by, sell to people, or get them to go to dinner) do the thinking for them. They translate everything into the other person’s terms by starting as many sentences as they can with that powerful little three-letter word, you. Thus, I call the technique “Comm-YOU-nication.”
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