To size each other up, the first question little cats flat-pawedly ask each other is, “And what do you do? Hmm?” Then they crouch there, quivering their whiskers and twitching their noses, with an obvious “I’m going to pronounce silent judgment on you after you answer” look on their pusses.
Big cats never ask outright, “What do you do?” (Oh they find out, all right, in a much more subtle manner.) By not asking the question, the big boys and big girls come across as more principled, even spiritual. “After all,” their silence says, “a man or woman is far more than his or her job.”
Resisting the tempting question also shows their sensitivity. With so much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corporations these days, the blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness. The job question is not just unpleasant for those who are “between engagements.” I have several gainfully employed friends who hate being asked, “And what do you do?” (One of these folks cuts cadavers for autopsies, the other is an IRS collection agent.)
Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood. When the cruel corporate question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude interrogation belittles their commitment to their families. No matter how the women answer, they fear the asker is only going to hear a humble “I’m just a housewife.”
Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, “What do you do?” for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads listeners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a high-flying crowd. Recently I attended a posh party on Easy Street. (I suspect they invited me as their token working-class person.) I noticed no one was asking anyone what they did—because these swells didn’t do anything. Oh, some might have a ticker tape on the bed table of their mansion to track investments. But they definitely did not work for a living.
The final benefit to not asking, “What do you do?” is it throws people off guard. It convinces them you are enjoying their company for who they are, not for an crass networking reason.
Technique #24
What Do You Do—NOT!
A sure sign you’re a Somebody is the conspicuous absence of the question, “What do you do?” (You determine this, of course, but not with those four dirty words that label you as either a ruthless networker, a social climber, a gold-digging husband or wife hunter, or someone who’s never strolled along Easy Street.)
Big cats never ask outright, “What do you do?” (Oh they find out, all right, in a much more subtle manner.) By not asking the question, the big boys and big girls come across as more principled, even spiritual. “After all,” their silence says, “a man or woman is far more than his or her job.”
Resisting the tempting question also shows their sensitivity. With so much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corporations these days, the blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness. The job question is not just unpleasant for those who are “between engagements.” I have several gainfully employed friends who hate being asked, “And what do you do?” (One of these folks cuts cadavers for autopsies, the other is an IRS collection agent.)
Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood. When the cruel corporate question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude interrogation belittles their commitment to their families. No matter how the women answer, they fear the asker is only going to hear a humble “I’m just a housewife.”
Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, “What do you do?” for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads listeners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a high-flying crowd. Recently I attended a posh party on Easy Street. (I suspect they invited me as their token working-class person.) I noticed no one was asking anyone what they did—because these swells didn’t do anything. Oh, some might have a ticker tape on the bed table of their mansion to track investments. But they definitely did not work for a living.
The final benefit to not asking, “What do you do?” is it throws people off guard. It convinces them you are enjoying their company for who they are, not for an crass networking reason.
Technique #24
What Do You Do—NOT!
A sure sign you’re a Somebody is the conspicuous absence of the question, “What do you do?” (You determine this, of course, but not with those four dirty words that label you as either a ruthless networker, a social climber, a gold-digging husband or wife hunter, or someone who’s never strolled along Easy Street.)
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