Several years ago, a girlfriend and I attended a party saturated with a hodgepodge of swellegant folks. Everyone we talked to seemed to lead a nifty life. Discussing the party afterward, I asked my friend, “Diane, of all the exciting people at the party, who did you enjoy talking to most?”
Without hesitation she said, “Oh by far, Dan Smith.”
“What does Dan do?” I asked her.
“Uh, well, I’m not sure,” she answered.
“Where does he live?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” Diane responded.
“Well, what is he interested in?”
“Well, we really didn’t talk about his interests.”
“Diane,” I asked, “what did you talk about?”
“Well, I guess we talked mostly about me.”
“Aha,” I thought. Diane has just rubbed noses with a winner.
As it turns out, I had the pleasure of meeting Big-Winner Dan several months later. Diane’s ignorance about his life piqued my curiosity so I grilled him for details. As it turns out, Dan lives in Paris, has a beach home in the south of France, and a mountain home in the Alps. He travels around the world producing sound and light shows for pyramids and ancient ruins—and he is an avid hang glider and scuba diver. Does this man have an interesting life or what? Yet Dan, when meeting Diane, said nothing about himself.
I told Dan about how pleased Diane was to meet him yet how little she learned about his life. Dan simply replied, “Well, when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life. I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person.” Truly confident people often do this. They know they grow more by listening than talking. Obviously, they also captivate the talker.
Without hesitation she said, “Oh by far, Dan Smith.”
“What does Dan do?” I asked her.
“Uh, well, I’m not sure,” she answered.
“Where does he live?”
“Uh, I don’t know,” Diane responded.
“Well, what is he interested in?”
“Well, we really didn’t talk about his interests.”
“Diane,” I asked, “what did you talk about?”
“Well, I guess we talked mostly about me.”
“Aha,” I thought. Diane has just rubbed noses with a winner.
As it turns out, I had the pleasure of meeting Big-Winner Dan several months later. Diane’s ignorance about his life piqued my curiosity so I grilled him for details. As it turns out, Dan lives in Paris, has a beach home in the south of France, and a mountain home in the Alps. He travels around the world producing sound and light shows for pyramids and ancient ruins—and he is an avid hang glider and scuba diver. Does this man have an interesting life or what? Yet Dan, when meeting Diane, said nothing about himself.
I told Dan about how pleased Diane was to meet him yet how little she learned about his life. Dan simply replied, “Well, when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life. I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person.” Truly confident people often do this. They know they grow more by listening than talking. Obviously, they also captivate the talker.
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