Moments arise, of course, when even conversationalists extraordinaire hit the wall. Some folks’ monosyllabic grunts leave slim pickings even for masters of the Be a Word Detective technique.
If you find yourself futilely fanning the embers of a dying conversation (and if you feel for political reasons or human compassion that the conversation should continue), here’s a foolproof trick to get the fire blazing again. I call it “Parroting” after that beautiful tropical bird that captures everyone’s heart simply by repeating other people’s words.
Have you ever, puttering around the house, had the TV in the background tuned to a tennis game? You hear the ball going back and forth over the net—klink-klunk, klink-klunk, klink . . . this time you don’t hear the klunk. The ball didn’t hit the court. What happened? You immediately look up at the set.
Likewise in conversation, the conversational ball goes back and forth. First you speak, then your partner speaks, you speak . . . and so it goes, back and forth. Each time, through a series of nods and comforting grunts like “um hum,” or “umm,” you let your conversation partner know the ball has landed in your court. It’s your
“I got it” signal. Such is the rhythm of conversation.
“What Do I Say Next?”
Back to that frightfully familiar moment when it is your turn to speak but your mind goes blank. Don’t panic. Instead of signaling verbally or nonverbally that you “got it,” simply repeat—or parrot—the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner’s court.
My friend Phil sometimes picks me up at the airport. Usually I am so exhausted that I rudely fall asleep in the passenger seat, relegating Phil to nothing more than a chauffeur.
After one especially exhausting trip some years ago, I flung my bags in his trunk and flopped onto the front seat. As I was dozing off, he mentioned he’d gone to the theater the night before. Usually I would have just grunted and wafted into unconsciousness. However, on this particular trip, I had learned the Parroting technique and was eager to try it. “Theater?” I parroted quizzically.
“Yes, it was a great show,” he replied, fully expecting it to be the last word on the subject before I fell into my usual sleepy stupor.
“Great show?” I parroted. Pleasantly surprised by my interest, he said, “Yes, it’s a new show by Stephen Sondheim called Sweeney Todd.”
“Sweeney Todd ?” I again parroted. Now Phil was getting fired up. “Yeah, great music and an unbelievably bizarre story. . . .”
“Bizarre story?” I parroted. Well, that’s all Phil needed. For the next half an hour, Phil told me the show’s story about a London barber who went around murdering people. I half dozed, but soon decided his tale of Sweeney Todd’s cutting off peoples’ heads was disturbing my sleepy reverie. So I simply backed up and parroted one of his previous phrases to get him on another track.
“You said it had great music?”
That did the trick. For the rest of the forty-five-minute trip to my home, Phil sang me “Pretty Women,” “The Best Pies in London,” and other songs from Sweeney Todd—much better accompaniment for my demi-nap. I’m sure, to this day, Phil thinks of that trip as one of the best conversations we ever had. And all I did was parrot a few of his phrases.
Technique #20
Parroting
Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. That puts the ball right back in his or her court, and then all you need to do is listen.
Salespeople, why go on a wild goose chase for a customer’s real objections when it’s so easy to shake them out of the trees with Parroting?
If you find yourself futilely fanning the embers of a dying conversation (and if you feel for political reasons or human compassion that the conversation should continue), here’s a foolproof trick to get the fire blazing again. I call it “Parroting” after that beautiful tropical bird that captures everyone’s heart simply by repeating other people’s words.
Have you ever, puttering around the house, had the TV in the background tuned to a tennis game? You hear the ball going back and forth over the net—klink-klunk, klink-klunk, klink . . . this time you don’t hear the klunk. The ball didn’t hit the court. What happened? You immediately look up at the set.
Likewise in conversation, the conversational ball goes back and forth. First you speak, then your partner speaks, you speak . . . and so it goes, back and forth. Each time, through a series of nods and comforting grunts like “um hum,” or “umm,” you let your conversation partner know the ball has landed in your court. It’s your
“I got it” signal. Such is the rhythm of conversation.
“What Do I Say Next?”
Back to that frightfully familiar moment when it is your turn to speak but your mind goes blank. Don’t panic. Instead of signaling verbally or nonverbally that you “got it,” simply repeat—or parrot—the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner’s court.
My friend Phil sometimes picks me up at the airport. Usually I am so exhausted that I rudely fall asleep in the passenger seat, relegating Phil to nothing more than a chauffeur.
After one especially exhausting trip some years ago, I flung my bags in his trunk and flopped onto the front seat. As I was dozing off, he mentioned he’d gone to the theater the night before. Usually I would have just grunted and wafted into unconsciousness. However, on this particular trip, I had learned the Parroting technique and was eager to try it. “Theater?” I parroted quizzically.
“Yes, it was a great show,” he replied, fully expecting it to be the last word on the subject before I fell into my usual sleepy stupor.
“Great show?” I parroted. Pleasantly surprised by my interest, he said, “Yes, it’s a new show by Stephen Sondheim called Sweeney Todd.”
“Sweeney Todd ?” I again parroted. Now Phil was getting fired up. “Yeah, great music and an unbelievably bizarre story. . . .”
“Bizarre story?” I parroted. Well, that’s all Phil needed. For the next half an hour, Phil told me the show’s story about a London barber who went around murdering people. I half dozed, but soon decided his tale of Sweeney Todd’s cutting off peoples’ heads was disturbing my sleepy reverie. So I simply backed up and parroted one of his previous phrases to get him on another track.
“You said it had great music?”
That did the trick. For the rest of the forty-five-minute trip to my home, Phil sang me “Pretty Women,” “The Best Pies in London,” and other songs from Sweeney Todd—much better accompaniment for my demi-nap. I’m sure, to this day, Phil thinks of that trip as one of the best conversations we ever had. And all I did was parrot a few of his phrases.
Technique #20
Parroting
Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. That puts the ball right back in his or her court, and then all you need to do is listen.
Salespeople, why go on a wild goose chase for a customer’s real objections when it’s so easy to shake them out of the trees with Parroting?
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