How to Banter Like the Big Shots Do (Big Winners Tell It Like It Is) (technique No 32)

If you stepped into an elevator full of people speaking Hungarian, you might not recognize they were Hungarian unless you spoke their language. However, the minute you opened your mouth, they’d recognize you’re not Hungarian.

It’s the same with the big cats. If you overhear several of them speaking, you might not recognize they’re big cats. However, the minute you opened your mouth they’d recognize you’re not a big cat, unless you spoke their lingo.

What are some differences between a big cat’s growl and a little cat’s insignificant hiss? One of the most blatant is euphemisms. Big cats aren’t afraid of real words. They call a spade a spade. Words like toilet paper don’t scare them. Little cats hide behind bathroom tissue. If somebody is rich, big cats call it “rich.” Little cats, oh so embarrassed at the concept of talking about money in polite company, substitute the word wealthy. When little cats use a substitute word or euphemism, they might as well be saying, “Whoops, you are better than I am. I’m in polite company now and so I’ll use the nicey-nice word.”

Big cats are anatomically correct—no cutesy words for body parts. They’ll say “breasts” when they mean breasts. When they say “knockers,” they mean decorative structures that hang on the front door. And “family jewels” are in the safe on the wall.

If a big cat is ever in doubt about a word, he or she simply resorts to French. If they feel the word buttocks is debatable, derriere will do quite nicely, thank you.

Technique #32

Call a Spade a Spade

Don’t hide behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade. That doesn’t mean big cats use tasteless four-letter words when perfectly decent five- and six-letter ones exist. They’ve simply learned the King’s English, and they speak it.

Here’s another way to tell the big players from the little ones just by listening to a few minutes of their conversation.