How to Avoid the World’s Worst Conversational Habit (technique No 33)

Once I was at a small dinner party given by the president of an advertising agency, Louis, and his wife, Lillian. The evening started with cocktails, followed by a gourmet meal accompanied by a selection of excellent wines. The conversation had been convivial, the cuisine delicious, and the wine very fine. And very plentiful. At the end of the evening, Louis raised his glass to make a
toast. A few wine droplets sloshed out of his glass onto the tablecloth.

A pretty young woman who was the date of a new art director named Bob giggled and said, “I can tell you’re feeling no pain.”

Shock waves went around the table. Everyone froze. The host was indeed a bit inebriated. However, alluding to Louis being a little looped, even in jest, was as though the woman had suddenly smashed the crystal chandelier above the table with her dinner plate.

One guest quickly covered the girl’s horrifying gaffe by lifting her glass and saying “None of us is. No one in the company of Louis and Lillian could ever feel any pain. Here’s to a truly wonderful evening.”

Louis then continued with his toast to the wonderful company, and no one was feeling pain any longer. Except Bob. He knew his date’s innocent teasing was a black mark, if not in his personnel file, on his personal file.

The next sure sign of a little cathood is teasing. Little cats go around patting their friends’ paunches and saying, “Enjoying that cheesecake, huh?” Or looking at their balding heads and saying, “Hey, hair today, gone tomorrow, huh?” They think it’s hilarious to make a quip at someone else’s expense and say “You don’t have an inferiority complex. You are inferior! Hardy har har.”

Technique #33

Trash the Teasing

A dead giveaway of a little cat is his or her proclivity to tease. An innocent joke at someone else’s expense may get you a cheap laugh. Nevertheless, the big cats will have the last one. Because you’ll bang your head against the glass ceiling they construct to keep little cats from stepping on their paws.

Never, ever, make a joke at anyone else’s expense. You’ll wind up paying for it, dearly.