Most of the studies simply confirmed Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People.3 His wisdom for the ages said success lay in smiling, showing interest in other people, and making them feel good about themselves. “That’s no surprise,” I thought. It’s as true today as it was more than sixty years ago.
So if Dale Carnegie and hundreds of others since offer the same astute advice, why do we need another book telling us how to win friends and influence people? Two mammoth reasons.
Reason One: Suppose a sage told you, “When in China, speak Chinese,” but gave you no language lessons? Dale Carnegie and many communications experts are like that sage. They tell us
what to do but not how to do it. In today’s sophisticated world, it’s not enough to say “smile” or “give sincere compliments.” Cynical businesspeople today see more subtleties in your smile, more complexities in your compliment. Accomplished or attractive people are surrounded by smiling sycophants feigning interest and fawning all over them. Prospects are tired of salespeople who say, “The suit looks great on you,” when their fingers are caressing cash register keys. Women are wary of suitors who say, “You are beautiful,” when the bedroom door is in view.
Reason Two: The world is a very different place than it was in 1936, and we need a new formula for success. To find it, I observed the superstars of today. I explored techniques used by top salespeople to close the sale, speakers to convince, clergy to convert, performers to engross, sex symbols to seduce, and athletes to win.
I found concrete building blocks to the elusive qualities that lead to their success. Then I broke them down into easily digestible, news-you-can-use techniques. I gave each a name that will quickly come to mind when you find yourself in a communications conundrum. As I developed the techniques, I began sharing them with audiences around the country. Participants in my communications seminars gave me their ideas. My clients, many of them CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, enthusiastically offered their observations.
When I was in the presence of the most successful and beloved leaders, I analyzed their body language and their facial expressions. I listened carefully to their casual conversations, their timing, and their choice of words. I watched as they dealt with their families, friends, associates, and adversaries. Every time I detected a little nip of magic in their communicating, I asked
them to pluck it out with tweezers and expose it to the bright light of consciousness. We analyzed it together, and I then turned it into an easy-to-do “little trick” others could duplicate and profit
from.
My findings and the strokes of some of those very effective folks are in this book. Some are subtle. Some are surprising. But all are achievable. When you master them, everyone from new
acquaintances to family, friends, and business associates will happily open their hearts, homes, companies, and even wallets to give you whatever they can.
There’s a bonus. As you sail through life with your new communications skills, you’ll look back and see some very happy givers smiling in your wake.
So if Dale Carnegie and hundreds of others since offer the same astute advice, why do we need another book telling us how to win friends and influence people? Two mammoth reasons.
Reason One: Suppose a sage told you, “When in China, speak Chinese,” but gave you no language lessons? Dale Carnegie and many communications experts are like that sage. They tell us
what to do but not how to do it. In today’s sophisticated world, it’s not enough to say “smile” or “give sincere compliments.” Cynical businesspeople today see more subtleties in your smile, more complexities in your compliment. Accomplished or attractive people are surrounded by smiling sycophants feigning interest and fawning all over them. Prospects are tired of salespeople who say, “The suit looks great on you,” when their fingers are caressing cash register keys. Women are wary of suitors who say, “You are beautiful,” when the bedroom door is in view.
Reason Two: The world is a very different place than it was in 1936, and we need a new formula for success. To find it, I observed the superstars of today. I explored techniques used by top salespeople to close the sale, speakers to convince, clergy to convert, performers to engross, sex symbols to seduce, and athletes to win.
I found concrete building blocks to the elusive qualities that lead to their success. Then I broke them down into easily digestible, news-you-can-use techniques. I gave each a name that will quickly come to mind when you find yourself in a communications conundrum. As I developed the techniques, I began sharing them with audiences around the country. Participants in my communications seminars gave me their ideas. My clients, many of them CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, enthusiastically offered their observations.
When I was in the presence of the most successful and beloved leaders, I analyzed their body language and their facial expressions. I listened carefully to their casual conversations, their timing, and their choice of words. I watched as they dealt with their families, friends, associates, and adversaries. Every time I detected a little nip of magic in their communicating, I asked
them to pluck it out with tweezers and expose it to the bright light of consciousness. We analyzed it together, and I then turned it into an easy-to-do “little trick” others could duplicate and profit
from.
My findings and the strokes of some of those very effective folks are in this book. Some are subtle. Some are surprising. But all are achievable. When you master them, everyone from new
acquaintances to family, friends, and business associates will happily open their hearts, homes, companies, and even wallets to give you whatever they can.
There’s a bonus. As you sail through life with your new communications skills, you’ll look back and see some very happy givers smiling in your wake.
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