Comm-YOU-nication also enriches your social conversation. Gentlemen, say a lady likes your suit. Which woman gives you warmer feelings? The woman who says, “I like your suit.” Or the one who says, “You look great in that suit.”
Big players who make business presentations use Comm-YOU-nication to excellent advantage. Suppose you’re giving a talk and a participant asks a question. He likes to hear you say, “That’s a good question.” However, consider how much better he feels when you tell him, “You’ve asked a good question.”
Salespeople, don’t just tell your prospects, “It’s important that . . . . ” Convince them by informing them, “You’ll see the importance of. . . . ”
When negotiating, instead of, “The result will be . . . ” let them know, “You’ll see the result when you. . . .”
Starting sentences with you even works when talking to strangers on the street. Once, driving around San Francisco hopelessly lost, I asked people walking along the sidewalk how to get to the Golden Gate Bridge. I stopped a couple trudging up a hill. “Excuse me,” I called out the window, “I can’t find the Golden Gate Bridge.” The pair looked at each other and shrugged with that “How stupid can these tourists get” look on their faces. “That direction,” the husband mumbled, pointing straight ahead.
Still lost, I called out to the next couple I encountered. “Excuse me, where’s the Golden Gate Bridge?” Without smiling, they pointed in the opposite direction.
Then I decided to try Comm-YOU-nication. When I came upon the next strolling couple, I called out the window, “Excuse me, could you tell me where the Golden Gate Bridge is?”
“Of course,” they said, answering my question literally. You see, by phrasing the question that way, it was a subtle challenge. I was asking, in essence, “Are you able to give me directions?” This hits them in the pride button. They walked over to my car and gave me explicit instructions.
“Hey,” I thought. “This you stuff really works.” To test my hypothesis, I tried it a few more times. I kept asking passersby my three forms of the question. Sure enough, whenever I asked,
“Could you tell me where . . .” people were more pleasant and helpful than when I started the question with I or where.
Technique #28
Comm-YOU-nication
Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your listener’s attention. It gets a more positive response because it pushes the pride button and saves them having to translate it into “me” terms.
When you sprinkle you as liberally as salt and pepper throughout your conversation, your listenersfind it an irresistible spice.
I’m sure when they recover the flight box from the Fall of Man under a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden, it will convince the world of the power of the word you. Eve did not ask Adam to eat the apple. She did not command him to eat the apple. She didn’t even say, “Adam, I want you to eat this apple.” She phrased it (as all big winners would), “You will love this apple.” That’s why he bit.
Comm-YOU-nication Is a Sign of Sanity
Therapists calculate inmates of mental institutions say I and me twelve times more often than residents of the outside world. As patients’ conditions improve, the number of times they use the personal pronouns also diminishes.
Continuing up the sanity scale, the fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners. If you eavesdrop on big winners talking with each other, you’ll notice a lot more you than I in their conversation.
The next technique concerns a way big winners are silently you-oriented.
Big players who make business presentations use Comm-YOU-nication to excellent advantage. Suppose you’re giving a talk and a participant asks a question. He likes to hear you say, “That’s a good question.” However, consider how much better he feels when you tell him, “You’ve asked a good question.”
Salespeople, don’t just tell your prospects, “It’s important that . . . . ” Convince them by informing them, “You’ll see the importance of. . . . ”
When negotiating, instead of, “The result will be . . . ” let them know, “You’ll see the result when you. . . .”
Starting sentences with you even works when talking to strangers on the street. Once, driving around San Francisco hopelessly lost, I asked people walking along the sidewalk how to get to the Golden Gate Bridge. I stopped a couple trudging up a hill. “Excuse me,” I called out the window, “I can’t find the Golden Gate Bridge.” The pair looked at each other and shrugged with that “How stupid can these tourists get” look on their faces. “That direction,” the husband mumbled, pointing straight ahead.
Still lost, I called out to the next couple I encountered. “Excuse me, where’s the Golden Gate Bridge?” Without smiling, they pointed in the opposite direction.
Then I decided to try Comm-YOU-nication. When I came upon the next strolling couple, I called out the window, “Excuse me, could you tell me where the Golden Gate Bridge is?”
“Of course,” they said, answering my question literally. You see, by phrasing the question that way, it was a subtle challenge. I was asking, in essence, “Are you able to give me directions?” This hits them in the pride button. They walked over to my car and gave me explicit instructions.
“Hey,” I thought. “This you stuff really works.” To test my hypothesis, I tried it a few more times. I kept asking passersby my three forms of the question. Sure enough, whenever I asked,
“Could you tell me where . . .” people were more pleasant and helpful than when I started the question with I or where.
Technique #28
Comm-YOU-nication
Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immediately grabs your listener’s attention. It gets a more positive response because it pushes the pride button and saves them having to translate it into “me” terms.
When you sprinkle you as liberally as salt and pepper throughout your conversation, your listenersfind it an irresistible spice.
I’m sure when they recover the flight box from the Fall of Man under a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden, it will convince the world of the power of the word you. Eve did not ask Adam to eat the apple. She did not command him to eat the apple. She didn’t even say, “Adam, I want you to eat this apple.” She phrased it (as all big winners would), “You will love this apple.” That’s why he bit.
Comm-YOU-nication Is a Sign of Sanity
Therapists calculate inmates of mental institutions say I and me twelve times more often than residents of the outside world. As patients’ conditions improve, the number of times they use the personal pronouns also diminishes.
Continuing up the sanity scale, the fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners. If you eavesdrop on big winners talking with each other, you’ll notice a lot more you than I in their conversation.
The next technique concerns a way big winners are silently you-oriented.
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